Saturday, August 8, 2020

About last night…


Okay, I made it through my 3-day juice fast.  But, I have to tell you, last night was really hard!  It was like the old cartoons with the angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other.  I made it through breakfast and lunch just fine but, when dinner time hit, I was really feeling it.  First of all, I picked up my son from the sitter and, directly afterward, went to the grocery store to pick up a few things.  They say never go while your hungry and I would say doubly so if you’ve been fasting.  There were so many things that looked and smelled so tasty.  So, though I didn’t indulge there, I still bought a lot of stuff that I probably wouldn’t have if I wasn’t so hungry.

Getting home was worse.  My wife was cooking up a quick meal for my son and herself and I still hadn’t had my juice so, imagine the smell of food hitting you when all you’ve had for the last 8 meals was either fruit juice or vegetable juice.  So, you can guess the conversation going on in my head.  I was thinking things like “Well, two days and most of the third is really good” and “If I drink my juice, then eat something, I will have technically finished the fast, right?” (don’t worry, I don’t get that one myself).  But, my favorite one was “Well, the day does end at 11:59pm so, if I eat something after midnight, it will be okay.”

In the end, I just drank my juice and some of these thoughts subsided.  I ended up having some tea and honey around 8:30pm and spent the rest of the night trying to distract myself from thoughts of snacks.

I guess the most ironic part of this was that I was planning on having this really big breakfast this morning.  However, sleep was more appealing than food and when I finally got up, I wasn’t nearly as hungry as I thought I’d be.  I felt kind of silly for thinking what I was thinking the previous night.  I’m wondering if, in the end, it was more about me fighting temptation than it was about actually being hungry.  Now that I am “free” to eat what I want, I don’t really want much.  This morning, I had a bowl of high-fiber oatmeal, two egg whites and three strips of turkey bacon and was just fine.

Honestly, I believe that one of the most challenging parts of being a big person trying to change is accepting that you have to master your eating.  We see people who eat what they want without consequences (at least that we’re aware of) and try to justify our doing the same.  It’s that voice that tries to take over in my mind any time I try to move in a positive direction.  I’m slowly realizing that this voice has had its say for the better part of my life and now it’s time for my own voice to take over — the one that says “not so much”, “not right now” or just plain “no” to some of my eating decisions.

Ask yourself: “What voice am I listening to?”

JP Smith
the authorJP Smith
I'm taking on the challenge to lose the pounds that take me from a big man to a not-so-big man. Join me.